this problem is only known by myself i have never told anyone how i feel. its not life threatening but has affected my thoughts and behaviours.
the problem is a car (make/model of) that i developed a loathing for. it started because a job i was in bought some of these cars and i ended up staying in the job for longer than i wanted, this meant over 2 years of driving this car, during this time the resentment developed.
several years later i still see these cars on the road and cannot bare to look at one and have exhausted every possibility of understanding how such ugliness could have been created.
i think it would have been ok had i quit the job as soon as i felt unhappy, as i could then have looked back and think i did something about it and got out of the uncomfortable situation. however, i let things go on, unhappy in my own mind but no one else saw a problem with the car or the job.
this problem also developed into a phobia of physical/material objects which might have been in one of these cars, i see them as 'infected' and avoid contact with them. this even includes some of my familes things which i have had to try and avoid, belongings and even a carpet and a laminate flooring that i knew had been transported in the car.
i know this sounds completley mad but i cannot find a way round this. no part of me can seem to accept what happened, and the fact i drove this car i hated for over 2 years. avoidance seems the only way forward, moving forward in relation to this pain, but not resolving it.
you wouldnt know about this if you knew me in person as i have managed to keep it inside and can still function in society, i work and socialise but i have these feelings of anger, depression, rage, not not understanding. i am therefore not able to move on with my life or do anything creative. i feel a fraud, a failure. i am able to view life and know whats right and wrong, but i have no confidence anymore to want to create anything or be anyone. any feeling of happiness or contentment seem to have disappeared as i live day to day.
well i know this sounds crazy but i guess i am here writing this in the hope of finding some help with my problem and a way to feel better in myself. thanks for listening.
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